Yeah, I was fat. Really fat. Do you like scary transformation photos? Keep readin'.

So, you're no doubt hearing a lot of buzz about the Wii Fit these days. It's made a splash, selling huge amounts of copies since its launch, and has a promising community aspect as well. I think the idea of sharing Wii Fitness results online is compelling and could be a lot of fun - I envision positive places, where users cheer each other on to become healthier. (Of course, in an ideal world, that's what would be nice. More accurately, you may hear "pick it up, fatty" or similar insults, from trollers and general ne'er do wells. Oh well, it's human nature, I suppose.)

So, have I bought into the Wii Fit hysteria? Of course, I haven't tried it yet, but I'd really like to. According to Wikipedia, there are four aspects to the Wii Fit - muscle workouts, balance exercises, balance games, and yoga poses. Sounds exciting, as there could be a lot of different play variations to make sure you don't get bored while you burn fat.

This Is Not A Wii Fit Preview (And Big Guys Shouldn't Yoga)

Simply because you've already seen them. And frankly, I don't really want to learn that much about it yet. I'd rather just experience the Wii Fit in a fresh way... and hope that I can contort myself into those silly yoga poses. (I've had a bad experience with flexibility recently. My girlfriend can keep her exercise DVD, my man-frame just don't bend that way. Embarrassingly enough, I actually did try one pose, in which I failed miserably... and after which was required to immediately put Rammstein on the radio, chug a Belgian beer, and devour a steak, just to reclaim my manhood.)

A Little Flashback, And Are "Exergames" Coming Back?

What's interesting to me is that the release of the Wii Fit seems to have rekindled interest in "exergames." There's talk of Bandai/Namco re-animating something similar to the ancient Power Pad, originally released by Nintendo in the US in 1988.

I never owned one of the things, although one of my friends did, and I really didn't like it as a kid. I remember the games being fairly unresponsive and nowhere near as fun to play as other NES games I was into at the time. I was also not a big fan of physical exercise at the time, preferring to read fantasy novels or play videogames rather than frolicking outside. Yeah, I was a chubby nerd, but I didn't mind. I was happy in my world.

Back On Track... I Just Couldn't Resist The Retro

So anyway, a few years back I had gained a lot of weight, and one day, just came to the realization that I needed to shape up. So, what did I do? I turned to Dance Dance Revolution, otherwise known as DDR.

I remember starting out with this song, of which I could only do two or three times. For anyone who's ever played Dance Dance Revolution, you may have started out with this song too, which while being simplistic, is a good workout nonetheless.

Now, I can get a perfect score on this song, this song, and this one too. Major difference, eh?

About 50 pounds worth of difference. That's what I lost, and it's almost completely due to hours and hours of DDR. And let me tell you, it hurts. A lot. But your legs develop strength you never thought they would, and your lower back muscles too. (Amazingly enough, I max out the machine that works your lower back muscles at the gym. It's wierd putting the thing to 305 and lifting the whole block.) I've dramatically improved my lung capacity and breathing patterns, and overall, had a heck of a lot of fun. Loads of sincere thanks to the folks who make the Cobalt Flux... mine's taken a beating for almost 3 years and has required no work or cleaning. Easily worth the cash. I have nothing to gain from telling you that either, the product is just that good. Trust me; without it, DDR at home simply sucks.

Anyway, DDR is a constant challenge, and since so many songs are nigh impossible to complete, given the laws of physics and the limits of the human body, there's an almost endless challenge.

Will Wii Fit give me the same satisfaction that DDR has?

I'm guessing, no, and that's my point here. Let's face it, Wii Fit is attempting to pander to all audiences - men, women, children, adults, fit and non fit alike. A balance board is familiar to many, especially those who have done step aerobics. So it's accessible, non-threatening, sometimes almost silly. Difficult, I'm sure, but deniably more accessible. DDR is not. It's kinda intimidating. You're worried that you'll look stupid or people will think you're a geek. (You will... and they will... just for reference.) You can't match the arrows to the movements of your feet. Or maybe you can't interpret the arrows that fast. The learning curve is high.

But, along with a much lower barrier to entry, comes less reward, in my opinion. Will Wii Fit have a 300 BPM techno track in the background encouraging me to take out all my frustrations and stomp and twist my body until I can't feel feelings anymore? Will I get the huge rush of finally completing Paranoia Evolution on Heavy mode without dying? Will it suck me out of my brain and into the movements and rhythm of the game?

Where's The Fat Picture Anyway? Come On, Give Us The Goods

Both will burn calories. (There's been some studies on DDR. Not sure what to believe, but I'm sure it burns calories.) Both will tone your muscles, depending on what you do and how you play.

But, I highly doubt that Wii Fit will ever, ever even come close to the intensity, addictiveness, and pure high-impact, high-speed pain that DDR brings to the table.

The problem is that most people either are too lazy, or not patient enough with DDR to get to the point where one becomes addicted to the conquest, and the delicious agony of painful, muscle cramping, ankle-rolling, slipped-off-the-pad-you-idiot failure as well.

I'm probably going to buy a Wii Fit. And I'm sure I'll enjoy it, given that I've become so interested in fitness - in addition, I like to ride my bike once in a while, lift weights, and I've "been quit" from smoking for quite some time now.

But it will never replace, in my mind, the reigning deity of the world of exergames - who rules with an iron fist made up of drug-like addictiveness, sweet agonizing pain, and endless replay value.

Oh yeah... and here's a before and after shot to prove to you that it works. *gasp*

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